i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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