That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize