I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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