Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
