dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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