So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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