i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
