his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
