wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
