Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Couch. On fire.
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