You smell like stripper and shame
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
