well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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