so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
