if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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