I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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