I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
