Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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