My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Panties = found
Randomize
