I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
