Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
