So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
