Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
