You're my little dorito
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
