We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize