i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dignity is for republicans.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
