i just wanna soil my oats bro
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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