hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm too high and old for this...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
