The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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