im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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