I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
