haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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