so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize