And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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