btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My vagina is officially offended.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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