I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
