she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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