I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize