Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
