Do you still have your period?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize