he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think we might need a safe word for this...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
