it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
