Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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