And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
