i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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