I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The best revenge is premature balding
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
