what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize