Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The ass gains better be worth it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
