My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
