My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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