The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
