His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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