I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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