i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
