you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
