We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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