If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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