I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
