I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
