nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
