But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
