I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize