I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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