I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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