u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
