With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
