Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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