they need to just BURY HIM!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
