I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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