the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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