the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
