What a fucking waste of an outfit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize