way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize