i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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