I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize