I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We left an ass print on the piano.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
