Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
