Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
